


This Pain Wouldn't be for Evermore

by Minimoon46



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But the end is post COVID vaccine, Fluff, M/M, Overuse of Corpse calling Sykkuno Sy, Pandemic Romance, Picnics, Respecting each other's boundaries, Safe COVID practices, Set during COVID Pandemic, social distancing, this is hard to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:55:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28484982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minimoon46/pseuds/Minimoon46
Summary: “It’s amazing, isn’t it? To see each other, to hear each other, without technology,” Corpse said.“It is. I can’t believe we’re here together,” Sykkuno said, butterflies in his stomach, “It is taking every ounce of restraint in my body not to run down the steps and hug you.”“I wouldn’t stop you. God, Sykkuno. I want to kiss you so much, right here and now,” Corpse said and Sykkuno gripped the porch column, reminding himself neither truly felt safe with physical contact in the middle of the pandemic. They were just drunk on seeing each other for the first time. And like almost everything being drunk made people do, it was dangerous, possibly deadly, to get swept up in the feeling.“We can’t,” He said.“I know. I fucking hate this, but I know,” Corpse assured.(OR: Corpse hand delivers Sykkuno's merch to him, but it's socially distanced, and as happy as they are to be in the same place, it also hurts not to be able to get too close to each other. Slowly, life grows more hopeful)
Relationships: Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 493





	This Pain Wouldn't be for Evermore

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my second work for this fandom, and it's very different from my first(Which I will get back to). This is my take on Corpse hand delivering his merch to Sykkuno, only it's much more realistic given current events and comments they've made about COVID. I don't want to shame anyone doing the first meeting and fall into bed thing, because sometimes, you need to pretend everything is alright, but as someone who is anxious over COVID, I can never truly be completely comfortable with them. I guess I just felt like writing something about how sucky COVID is, how much it hurts not to be able to see people you love. This is high key inspired by my best friend dropping my gift off at my doorstep and then we sat on opposite sides of the porch and just talked with our masks up. But we also see the months pass in this, watch their loved ones get vaccines, and the end is the solstice after their forced time apart. It's a really happy ending, I honestly planned to go further with the ending, but I love where I ended it. There's hope, which is the hardest thing to have some days. The formatting of the last third and the passing of time is weird but I wanted to capture happy moments after the sadness of the main part.
> 
> Title is from Taylor Swift's Evermore(The song). The song is about her 2016, but I think there could definitely be a hopeless quarantine reading to it so I used the last chorus, where it goes from her feeling like the pain would be for evermore to it not being for evermore after she found her current boyfriend. I honestly have to go get ready for work, but I want to get this up so that's all for now.
> 
> EDIT(2/18/21): I'm going to be doing simple grammar edits I should have caught pre-posting, change the lines I used for scene dividers. Going to change the movie night line to include Jack and Ash instead of Toast because I feel like that's more fitting with how Rust and stuff went in real life(But also, Toast never went back to Canada and Sykkuno obviously never moved to Vegas in this story but you can still imagine a lot of stuff that happened online IRL that's happened since I wrote this around Christmastime still existed in this verse). Little things like that. Also not entirely ruling out adding a chapter 2 but it's not coming along like I wanted and I hate it. Sorry guys, but I'd rather keep this like this than post some subpar second chapter.

Sykkuno glanced down at his phone and opened one of his few active text conversations he had with his friends and started a message then deleted it. He looked over at Bimbus sleeping on his bed and sighed. 

“I want to see him, Bimb, but I feel like it’s too much to ask for when I’m not even going to properly get to be able to be with him,” He told the sleeping ball of fluff. But he hadn’t asked, Corpse had offered. Corpse knew the closest they’d be would be with a wall between them, until Corpse left the porch and Sykkuno came out. And then there’d be feet, if not yards between them. And Sykkuno knew they both hated it. But Corpse still thought the drive from San Diego to Sykkuno’s hometown up in the mountains was worth it. But was he right? 

He started another message.  
_  
Sykkuno: You know you can still ship the merch, right? No pressure to drive up here when it’s freezing and snowy and we can’t even hang out.  
_  
He wanted Corpse to insist the drive was worth it. That he was worth it. That a few minutes of looking at each other was worth it, if only to prove the other was real. To see if their hearts still pounded in real life. Or however Corpse’s heart reacted to him over their text messages and Discord calls. Five months after they had met, they both knew there was real feelings between them, but it wasn’t that easy. Not when COVID kept them from meeting up and acting on those feelings. 

But they wanted to meet up. Sykkuno wanted to have Corpse close enough to touch so badly that it physically hurt. But with him living with his grandma made it irresponsible and dangerous at best. So, they stayed on Facetime until it was way too late, until Sykkuno fell asleep to Corpse’s deep voice and woke to a good morning text with a smiley face that hinted at none of the pain from the previous night. And he would reply the same. And they would flirt on stream, and when their streams ended, the pain would come back.

His phone rang and he startled, seeing Corpse’s name on the screen. He answered it. 

“Hey,” He said softly.

“Hey Sy,” Corpse said and Sykkuno could hear the gentle smile in his voice. Corpse sighed. “I want to drive up there. I don’t want to ship your merch to you. But do you want me there? I know you’re worried about your grandma, still shaken up from that COVID scare she had last month. I can ship it if you feel safer that way.”

“No, I-I want you to come up here. I think we’re taking every safety precaution we can in this situation, short of you shipping the merch and even that has it going into different post offices and delivery drivers and all that room for error. I just. It’s everything. It’s a long drive for such a short stay, I won’t be able to invite you in from the cold. And I want you safe. You’ll have to stop at some point, what if you catch something in some bathroom or something? You have enough health issues. And I know that this is a big step, meeting in person and I don’t want you to feel like you have to take it if you’re not ready. I want you here, but only if you’re comfortable,” Sykkuno said, knowing he was rambling.

“I want to take that step. Sy, there’s nowhere I’d rather be today than in the cold of your snowy yard, looking at you in person. I trust you,” Corpse said, “Do you?”

“Trust you? Of course. Trust myself? Not as much,” Sykkuno said. 

“Fucking mood,” Corpse said. Sykkuno chuckled, despite himself.

“I just don’t see myself worth all the hassle you’ll have to go through for so little of me,” Sykkuno said.

“If it’s to see you, there is no hassle, Sy. I promise. You are worth it. I wish it could be more, you deserve so much more than this. But anything is better than nothing,” Corpse said. 

“Thank you,” Sykkuno said, “I just want you to know you can turn around at any point. For any reason.”

“I know, and thank you, Sykkuno. You can change your mind too. I can leave the box on your porch and leave, we can just see each other through the window. It’s not ideal but nothing in life is these days,” Corpse said.

“Very true. At least we’ll get to see each other today,” Sykkuno said.

“There’s some optimism,” Corpse said.

“I’m sorry. There’s a lot of emotions swirling in me right now, but I want to see you, Corpse. Never doubt that,” Sykkuno said.

“I know. I want the same. I trust you, Sykkuno. I want to see you in person. I want to do so much with you in person, but for now, this is all we have. So let’s try to make the most of it. We’re going to be distanced, you’ll take the box to the trash and wash the hoodies right away, and then you’ll wear my merch on stream when almost everyone thinks merch isn’t being shipped until tomorrow,” Corpse said. 

“I can already see the texts from everyone asking how I got my hoodie early,” Sykkuno agreed. Corpse had had a sizable order for his merch-for-friends order, which had been made after the initial merch drop had been made. It was mid February and Corpse would be shipping out orders to everywhere from Hawaii to Australia, but he wanted Sykkuno to have his merch first. Rae and Toast both knew that they’d be meeting today, however. Had dealt with anxious texts and ‘oh Jesus, what if he hates me in person’ and all that fun stuff. He knew some of Corpse’s friends were getting the same. Jack had randomly texted him to have a nice day this morning so Sykkuno figured Jack knew what the plan was.

“You should send me the screenshots. I’m glad Rae knows, because I can hear her shrieking about you suddenly getting yours,” Corpse said and Sykkuno laughed.

“Same. The audacity,” Sykkuno said. Corpse giggled. “For once our friends will be jealous of me.”

“I can’t wait to see you in the hoodie. Send me pics?” Corpse asked.

“Yep. And then I’ll send you one after Bimbus lays on me and it’s covered in white fur,” Sykkuno said.

“Perks of not having a pet,” Corpse joked, “How are we feeling now?”

“Better,” Sykkuno said.

“Good. I am so behind on getting ready though, so can I let you go? I’ll keep you updated on when I leave and the drive,” Corpse added.

“Sure. I have a call with my video editor in fifteen minutes, so I should go. But thank you for calling,” Sykkuno said.

“Anytime,” Corpse said, and they hung up a minute later. Corpse texted him that he was leaving and his estimated arrival time at some point. About an hour before that, Sykkuno started to get jittery so he just closed out of his work stuff. He let Bimbus out to go to the bathroom, and then nibbled on something small for lunch while talking to his grandma, who was clearly amused by his nerves. She knew about Corpse, knew they flirted and spent a lot of time together off stream and was quite disappointed that she wasn’t going to get introduced to her “future grandson-in-law” but Sykkuno knew neither of them were ready for family introductions. Finally, he got the text that Corpse was getting off the freeway and would be there in about fifteen minutes. Sykkuno quickly ran up to change into jeans and found his grandma in the den, settling down to watch TV.

“It’s going to go just fine, darling. You two are already half in love from what I hear,” She said.

“I know. But it’s still Corpse,” Sykkuno said and she laughed.

“Young love,” She said, “Now let me hug and kiss you. Since you’re doing your PO Box stream tonight, I figure you won’t let me do that for a few weeks.”

“I’m just trying to protect you,” He said. He lived in the main house but had his streaming setup in the guest house because of the noise level, especially since he streamed and gamed long past her bedtime. He kept all his packages in there in case a box ended up with COVID and only took his favorites back up to the house. 

“I know, but it still hurts to see you not living because of me,” She said.

“I’m living. I’m streaming and having fun with my friends. I have more confidence than I’ve ever had. Rae, Corpse, Jack, Ash and I have weekly movie nights on Discord. I’m happy,” Sykkuno said.

“I know you’re happy in your online life, but there’s a life outside of that,” She said, “I don’t want to get into this old argument right before Corpse gets here. Come here.”

Sykkuno went to hug her and kissed her cheek and she did the same.

“I love you, Grandma. Things aren’t easy but they’re worth it so we can have another Christmas together,” He said. 

“We will, and I appreciate you so much for staying with me. Now, go meet you tall, dark, and handsome Prince Charming,” She said.

“Corpse is no Prince Charming,” He said.

“But you love him all the same,” She said.

“I wouldn’t say love yet but yes. He has flaws and limitations and I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything,” Sykkuno said and she smiled. “Enjoy your reality TV. Whose timeslot is it?”

“Hush you,” She said, and he laughed as he left. He loved to troll her for her love for shitty reality TV, but it was all good fun. 

“Bimbus! Come on, I want to show you someone!” He called and Bimbus came running out of the hall bathroom. “What were you doing in there?”

Bimbus didn’t answer, of course, but followed him into the living room, where they could see from the windows a car pulling into the driveway. Corpse’s car. He had upgraded it last month from an older car that he was constantly having to lose money on repairing to a much nicer and newer but still used car and it looked as great as in the pictures. Sykkuno stared out the window at the car, at Corpse. He was moving around in the car and then Sykkuno’s phone buzzed.  
_  
Corpse: I’m here! :)  
Sykkuno: I know. :) I can see your car. Looks nice. Take your time coming up if you need to.  
Corpse: Oh Bingus, I can see you in the window. This is actually happening.  
Sykkuno: Should I leave the window? Too much anxiety?  
Corpse: Please no. Never leave my sight again  
Sykkuno: I wish. :(  
_  
Corpse took another minute in the car before getting out and oh. Oh, that was Corpse. He wore a face mask, which they had agreed on. Sykkuno knew what he looked like without a mask, they had started to Facetime with Corpse showing his face a few weeks ago. But he was tall, and his hair seemed even more curly in person. He was dressed in all black and Sykkuno was sure his nails were painted black. It was everything he had always thought of Corpse but better. And as he watched Corpse reach back in to grab two gift bags(two?), it took everything Sykkuno had to stay in the house. 

He watched Corpse make his way up the shoveled path up the stairs, eyes trained on the window as he walked. The porch ran the length of the front of the house and Corpse put the two bags down and walked in front of the window and they stared at each other through the glass. Sykkuno could see Corpse’s pale skin perfectly, his brown eyes, the black nail polish, the silver rings on his hands. His hands. Every moment, Sykkuno took in a different part of the man before him. He wished he could see Corpse’s face. He wished he could gently take off the mask and run his hands over the hidden features. His lips, his cheekbones, the bride of his nose. 

His heart pounded. He opened his mouth and closed it. Corpse nodded, as if to say he was speechless too. How did he look to Corpse now, in person? Was he attractive? He couldn’t be, but still, Corpse’s eyes were fixated on him. They stared at each other until a noise behind Sykkuno startled him. Bimbus had jumped off the couch to leave the room. He held up a finger to Corpse.

“Bimb! Come back!” He said and scurried to scoop up his dog and petted him, who didn’t seem to mind the attention. He took Bimbus back over to the window, and Corpse lit up. “Bimbus, this is Corpse. He’s one of my best friends, and, well, something more. We haven’t labeled that something but he’s special.”

Bimbus made a small noise and leaned forward to sniff at the window, as if wondering why he couldn’t reach this new human. Corpse was waving and Sykkuno could tell he was talking underneath his mask. Bimbus glanced up at Sykkuno, curious.

“We agreed not to bring you out today because we have limited time, but I promise, one day we’ll be able to play with Corpse. We might even bring him home to Mom and Dad,” Sykkuno said, “Imagine that. Bringing a boy home, especially a horror narrator Youtuber who is technically middle school dropout. I don’t think Mom and Dad would be happy about it, but I want to, you know. Bring Corpse home.”

Bimbus yipped, and licked his face, as if his smile said everything. He set Bimbus down, who ran straight to the front door, and reached for his phone.  
_  
Sykkuno: I’m going to take Bimb to my grandma so he doesn’t try to sneak out when I leave. If you want to go down to the path, there should be a lawn chair leaning against the porch so you can sit while we talk. I’ll bundle up and be out.  
_  
Corpse gave him a thumbs up and turned away to go back down the stairs and Sykkuno picked Bimbus up again and took him back to the den.

“Would you take Bimbus so he doesn’t try to escape when I head out? He’s confused as to why he can’t reach Corpse,” Sykkuno said.

“I will gladly take my favorite fluffy grandson,” She said and reached for Bimbus. Sykkuno’s parents let them have Bimbus every other week because they knew Bimbus cheered both of them up, especially Sykkuno, who had made the choice to lose almost all in person human contact to keep his grandma company in quarantine. Sykkuno appreciated it so much. He gave his grandma Bimbus and then went back to the living room and saw Corpse sitting on the lawn chair he had set out on the path several feet away from the porch. He waved and then went to put on his winter coat, boots, and mask and then slipped out of the house. And then they were technically breathing the same air for the first time.

“Hey Corpse,” He said and smiled, knowing that it showed, even under his mask.

“Hey Sykkuno,” Corpse said and wow, did his voice sound even nicer in person. 

“Oh, I, um,” Sykkuno stuttered.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it? To see each other, to hear each other, without technology,” Corpse said.

“It is. I can’t believe we’re here together,” Sykkuno said, butterflies in his stomach, “It is taking every ounce of restraint in my body not to run down the steps and hug you.”

“I wouldn’t stop you. God, Sykkuno. I want to kiss you so much, right here and now,” Corpse said and Sykkuno gripped the porch column, reminding himself neither truly felt safe with physical contact in the middle of the pandemic. They were just drunk on seeing each other for the first time. And like almost everything being drunk made people do, it was dangerous, possibly deadly, to get swept up in the feeling. 

“We can’t,” He said.

“I know. I fucking hate this, but I know,” Corpse assured and Sykkuno went to sit on the porch swing. They sat in silence for a moment. 

“So, how is the SoCal city boy doing with the mountain cold?” Sykkuno teased to break the ice. Corpse laughed, his laugh just as warm and cute as it was over Discord. It filled Sykkuno with warmth.

“Very cold. How did you grow up here?” Corpse asked.

“Wearing proper winter coats,” Sykkuno said and Corpse laughed again.

“I’ll keep that in mind for next winter,” He said and Sykkuno didn’t miss the implications. “Oh. One of those bags have your hoodies, one signed and one unsigned. Also a beanie and a mask, which I know you never asked for but I wanted to surprise you. The other is just some stuff for your grandma. You talk about her a lot so I wanted to get her something since I was bringing you something. There’s two toys for Bimbus in there too because who can resist spoiling Bimbus?”

“He was so confused as to why he couldn’t reach you,” Sykkuno said.

“It killed me not to be able to pet him. He’s fucking adorable,” Corpse said, “Just like his owner.”

“Oh-I. Maybe in spring we can do a socially distanced picnic in the backyard, then he can run between us and stuff,” Sykkuno said. 

“I’d like that,” Corpse said.

“It’s a da-a plan then. But thanks for the extra gifts. Grandma will appreciate it. She loves hearing me talk about you, was disappointed that she didn’t even get to wave out the window but we’re not there yet,” Sykkuno said.

“No, we’re not. But that’s very sweet of her,” Corpse added.

“It is. She’s amazing. I’m so glad I have her,” Sykkuno agreed. 

“You know, I thought it’d be awkward to talk to you in person, but it feels so comfortable,” Corpse said.

“Same. I thought it’d be like going back to our early couple of months where we were awkward together and I had no idea if we were really friends, if you considered me a friend but it feels just like staying up late on Facetime together. Just more painful,” Sykkuno said.

“Agreed. Sy...” Corpse trailed off.

“I know,” Sykkuno assured. They sat in silence. “Are you ready for the new map to drop Friday?”

“No. I’ve been studying the map from the Switch leak and my brain won’t be able to handle a map that size,” Corpse said. Among Us had finally announced that the new Airship map was coming out that Friday and their Discord server was crazy trying to figure out lobbies. 

“I think getting in the game will probably help. We’ll be able to connect tasks to rooms and just be in the right perspective. But I hope fans know that Friday night is going to be crazy and no one will have any info because we’ll have no idea what’s going on,” Sykkuno said. Corpse giggled.

“I envy Hafu’s morning lobby, they’ll have an entire night to analyze our VODs and 5up is legit planning on doing it. Plus, they get to have time on the freeplay mode,” He said.

“Yeah. Peter’s going to be in there and he’s going to be watching streams,” Sykkuno agreed. They talked a while about games and their friends and at some point, they took photos of each other to save to remember that this had actually happened. Eventually, Corpse hugged himself.

“I think we should call it here. I’m freezing and my nerves do not like the cold,” He said.

“I understand. It’s really cold today,” Sykkuno said and stood so he could see Corpse properly. 

“I don’t want to go though,” Corpse said.

“I don’t want you to go either. Corpse... I really like you. I know we can’t properly date, not now, maybe not for months or even a year. But I wouldn't mind making things official, if you’d like to,” Sykkuno said.

“Sy, that... I feel like a complete asshole but I don’t think I can. Make things official when we can barely see each other like this, much less physically be together. I’ve just gotten out of the I’m never going to date again stage and I just think I need something... I don’t know what to say. Like, even long distance between here and San Diego isn’t ideal, but I feel like if we could do weekends together or something, I could handle that but I think I need some level of physically being together. I mean, I know we’re basically dating already, and I don’t want to give up anything we have. Maybe the idea of putting this into words is scary. I want you, as we are, and when we can touch each other and spend evenings physically together, eating together, talking together, cuddling during movies, then I want to make things official. Does that make sense?” Corpse said.

“I get what you’re saying, and I respect that, don’t worry. Just... Sucks,” Sykkuno said and felt a surge of tears. He closed his eyes, not wanting Corpse to feel even worse.

“Baby, don’t cry. Please don’t cry,” Corpse said.

“Don’t. Don’t call me baby like this. In person if we’re not... If you’re not mine,” Sykkuno said and cursed the tear that escaped. 

“I am. I’m just scared but I am yours. Sykkuno, I am yours completely. A label or a lack of label doesn’t change that no one has ever made me feel like you do. Safe, adored, loved. And I’m so fucking scared to see how I could fuck this up because I can’t lose you,” Corpse said.

“You won’t. I am yours, Corpse. I like you so much, like you said. In ways no one has ever made me feel. Maybe we can’t be together physically, but emotionally, you can’t lose me as long as we stay as is. Please let us stay as if, if we can’t take a step forward yet,” Sykkuno asked. 

“We will. And it won’t be like this forever. My friend, Mykie, her grandma got the first vaccine on Monday. I’m sure your grandma will get approved for the vaccine soon and I know she’s the main reason you’re completely isolated. Once that happens, you’ll be able to take Bimbus to the park and once spring comes, we can hang outside for longer. And hopefully, come summer, we’ll get the vaccine and then we’ll be safe to touch and spend time indoors together,” Corpse said.

“I hope so. I really hope so,” Sykkuno said.

“Me too. Keep your head up, Sy. This won’t be forever. Worst comes to absolute fucking worst is that we quarantine completely for two weeks, get an at home testing kit, and then we get an apartment together or an Airbnb together and go from officially just friends to dating and living together,” Corpse said. Sykkuno smiled.

“I have thought about that. If it wasn’t for Grandma, we could have done something like that for today. Made a weekend out of it,” He said.

“Damn. We should keep that in mind then. A weekend together sounds like heaven on Earth,” Corpse said.

“It does. Okay. I’m feeling better. You should go though. I’ve kept you in this cold far too long,” Sykkuno said.

"I really should. But I'm glad we did this and we'll talk tonight. I'm putting together everyone's orders tonight so I'll watch your stream while I do that. Just a PO Box stream, right?" Corpse added. 

"Probably. Maybe some solo Minecraft depending on how I'm feeling but I doubt I'll be up for it honestly," Sykkuno said. 

“I understand. Trust me, Sy. I understand,” Corpse said.

“I know you do. Neither of us like this but I’m glad we’re on the same page when it comes to boundaries,” Sykkuno said.

“So glad. Because right now, that’s a dealbreaker. But thankfully it’s not,” Corpse said. They looked at each other, silently appreciating the other’s viewpoints and drinking in their last long look at each other without a screen between them. “We’ll see each other soon-ish. Definitely won’t be another five months.”

“I hope not,” Sykkuno said, “Drive safely. Text me when you get home, okay?”

“Of course. Call if you want to talk. It’ll be a long drive, especially with afternoon traffic,” Corpse said.

“Yeah, maybe,” Sykkuno said, knowing he’d need time to himself. They stood in silence.

“Okay, here is the awkwardness,” Corpse said and Sykkuno giggled. 

“It’s because we don’t want to say good-bye. But we need to,” He said.

“We do. I’ll talk to you very soon, Sy. We’ll be just fine. And someday, we’ll be able have more,” Corpse said.

“We will. See you soon, Corpse, and talk much sooner,” Sykkuno agreed.

“And next time, I get to pet Bimbus,” Corpse said.

“You’ll get to pet Bimbus,” Sykkuno assured.

“Good. I, um, guess I’ll just bite the bullet and leave then?” Corpse said.

“Do it. Bye, Corpse,” Sykkuno said.

“Bye, Sy,” Corpse said and finally turned away. Sykkuno watched him walk to his car, then turned back to wave. Sykkuno waved back and then Corpse got into the car. A minute later, it backed out of the driveway and Sykkuno watched it until it was out of view and stared down the road a minute or two longer. 

Only then did he reach for the bags and go around the house and went to the guest house. He washed his hands, and then looked at the gifts. The hoodies were soft, and he smiled at the little CORPSE in horrible handwriting on one of them. The mask and beanie were cool, even if Sykkuno wouldn’t use them much. All the gifts for his grandma was thoughtful and he wiped them and the bag down with a disinfectant wipe, trying not to think about the conversations where he had mentioned off-handedly that his grandma liked this, liked that. Corpse must’ve been listening though, and it was so sweet, but it broke his heart.

Why did he have to find the guy who felt like he could be the one for him in the middle of a pandemic? He wasn’t sure if today was a good or bad idea. On one hand, he had loved seeing Corpse in real life, love hearing his voice or laugh. There had been very little awkwardness, had felt right. But it was also a reminder of everything Sykkuno couldn’t-or wouldn’t- let himself have until it was safe, and who knew when safe would be.

Darn them for being responsible, he thought as he trudged up to the house, trying not to cry again. He threw the merch and his clothes in the washer, slipping on a waiting pair of pajama pants and t-shirt. His grandma was still watching TV, and he took the bag to her. 

“Corpse got you and Bimb some presents. I wiped everything down. I’m going to shower,” Sykkuno said.

“That’s very sweet of him. Did you enjoy seeing him?” His grandma asked.

“I loved it. He’s a real human being, Grandma. And he’s handsome and kind and I just like him so much,” Sykkuno said.

“I’m glad,” She said. He went to shower, and there, did he let himself properly cry a bit. When he got out, he checked on his Grandma and sat with her until the washer was done. He moved the clothes into the dryer and set it and retreated up to his room and called Rae on Discord. She popped up on screen, looking quite relaxed, as if she was curled up in bed herself.

“Hey! How did things go with Corpse?” She asked, grinning. 

“It was great. He’s so amazing in person, Rae. I was scared what we have on screen wouldn’t be there in real life, but it was even more in person. It took everything I had to keep my distance,” Sykkuno said.

“I’m so glad. He sent me a few voice memos, mostly talking about how amazing you were and how handsome you are in real life, and he sounded really happy,” Rae said.

“He what? I’m not that handsome in real life,” Sykkuno said, feeling himself blush.

“I know that but he’s so into you, Sykkuno. He really is,” Rae said and Sykkuno knew he was.

“Are you calling me ugly?” He said instead.

“No, you did, and I only agreed,” Rae said and they laughed together. 

“What a wonderful best friend,” Sykkuno said.

“I am the best friend, the best fellow amigop, ever,” Rae said.

“The best friend? Yes. The best fellow amigop? Nope. Corpse exists,” Sykkuno said. 

“Sykkuno!” She exclaimed and they dissolved into giggles. He missed being with Rae. They had been close when quarantine started but had gotten so much closer in the past eleven months and while they had spent some time together when he lived in LA with OTV, it had been months since they were last together.

“Did he really say that stuff?” Sykkuno asked when the giggles subsided and they both relaxed back on their beds.

“He did. He was so happy that he got to meet you and he wanted more time with you. Would’ve given anything to be able to properly spend time with you but he knows that the wait is worth the payoff when it’s safe,” Rae said.

“I hope it is. I mean, I hope I’m worth it. He says I am, but I just don’t see it,” Sykkuno said. 

“You are absolutely worth it, Sykkuno. Give yourself some credit. You’re amazing and it’s not like Corpse doesn’t know almost everything about you but he still likes you,” Rae said.

“True. I just... It hurt. Being so close to him but not being able to touch him. I wanted to so badly. Take off his mask and just touch his face, kiss him. I’m so glad we did this Rae but it was also a reminder of everything we can’t have yet. Everything that we want, but we can’t have. Saying good-bye was so hard. It was the only thing awkward. So even if I loved it, I’m still hurting. I may have definitely cried in the shower. Is that weird?” Sykkuno asked.

“Not at all. Corpse said it was hard too. Bittersweet, but each side was ramped up to the max. It’s completely understandable that being so close to each other but not being able to have each other hurt a lot. Things are really hard right now, Sykkuno, and it’s not weird at all to admit that it is,” Rae said.

“I know. But at least we got today. There’s a lot of couples stuck in long distance due to living far apart or in different countries or something. At least we have jobs we can do entirely at home but still be able to do day trips like this,” Sykkuno said.

“Very true, but that doesn’t change the fact that this hurts. You can be lucky but still be in a sucky situation. One doesn’t cancel out the other. Just like rich and famous people can be depressed and suicidal,” Rae said.

“I... Yeah. I know. I just... Something happened that I don’t want to be hurt over because Corpse had a good explanation and he felt horrible for telling me no but it kind of hurt,” Sykkuno said.

“Still valid, Sykkuno. What happened?” Rae asked. And Sykkuno told her about how they had both confessed to having feelings, wanting to kiss. About how he had suggested making things official and Corpse had shied away at that.

“Well, first of all, he still rejected you. Not completely, but still he rejected you and that’s always going to hurt. He had his reasons, and it’s just a not yet, but that still hurts. Especially since I am floored that you put yourself out there by asking to make things official. That was a huge burst of confidence and I’m so proud of you for asking,” Rae said.

“I have no idea where it came from. I just suddenly wanted something official. Something that I can’t deny when the weeks are dragging on and everything seems dark and I can’t just hold him even though I want to,” Sykkuno said.

“No, Sykkuno, that’s valid. I’d want that too. Corpse just... I know for obvious reasons you guys don’t talk about his ex a lot, but she really messed him up for a while. He knows you’re not her, but he’s still scared of fucking this up. It doesn’t surprise me that if you guys actually started dating, that he’d need some level of physical reassurance to keep his mind from going to dark places. I can completely see where both of you are coming from,” Rae said.

“Which is the hardest part. Neither of us are wrong, but we still hurt each other,” Sykkuno said.

“That’s relationships for you. And this pandemic. Sometimes there’s no right answer, you just do what you have to to survive and hold onto each other. And that’s what you two are doing. You’ll make it through this,” Rae said.

“Thanks, Rae. I really want us to. I need us to,” Sykkuno said.

“He does too. He likes you just as much as you like him, Sykkuno,” Rae assured.

“I know. And it’s crazy that a guy like Corpse likes a guy like me,” Sykkuno said. Rae laughed.

“He says the same exact thing about you, you know. It blows his mind that someone like you likes him. He talks about you all the time. You two are kind of sickening with how much you like each other but you two will be such a good couple. I’m looking forward to the vaccine partly so you guys can be together. So we all can be,” She added.

“I miss you guys so much,” Sykkuno agreed.

“So do I,” Rae agreed and they stared at each other through the screen. “When are you streaming tonight?”

“Not quite sure yet. Maybe around 6? I just want to do a shorter PO Box stream and then have some time to chill because as happy as I am, I’m also sad? It was very bittersweet,” Sykkuno said.

“I can totally see that. Do a short stream, your chat can deal. We can watch something afterwards if you don’t want to be alone, if you’re not chatting with Corpse,” Rae said. She had purposefully uploaded a video today so she wouldn’t need to stream in case either of the boys needed her and Sykkuno loved her for that. 

“Maybe. I definitely want to spend time with Corpse tonight. I don’t want to go to sleep hurt that he rejected me,” Sykkuno said. 

“Never go to bed angry at each other,” Rae agreed, “Do we want to watch something now? We could watch an hour long show.”

“Sounds good,” Sykkuno said. They enjoyed watching a show together and then they hung up. Sykkuno went down to get his new hoodies and slipped the signed one on. It was comfortable and he took a couple pictures to send to Corpse. Corpse replied a few minutes later.  
_  
Corpse: Just got home.  
Corpse: You look wonderful, Sy <3 Glad I didn’t see it in person because damn.  
Corpse: Want to fuck you in it right now. In my hoodie.  
_  
Sykkuno yelped. It wasn’t the only time they’d been bold enough to mention sex with each other, but it was the boldest Corpse had ever been. And something hot ran through Sykkuno at the thought of Corpse in him, hands gripping his hips underneath the black hoodie. Corpse kissing him, Sykkuno’s legs wrapped around his waist and a hand in Corpse’s curls.  
_  
Sykkuno: Corpse! You can’t just say stuff like that!  
Corpse: Why? It’s what I want.  
Sykkuno: Because we won’t be able to have sex for a very long time, so it’s just you being a tease.  
Corpse: Ah, so you liked it?  
Sykkuno: Of course I did.  
Corpse: Don’t think of me being a tease then. Take it as a promise. One day I will fuck you in that hoodie. Or another piece of merch, but I think that first hoodie will always be special.  
Sykkuno: I still see it as you being a tease. :/  
_  
And something in him felt a bit better from their flirting. It was elevated from their normal flirting, but everything was today. It wasn’t too long before he was in the guest house, his computer up and running, boxes and envelopes surrounding his chair. He sent a picture to Corpse. 

Sykkuno: Only doing a PO Box stream once a month is a lot these days.

Corpse replied with a picture of his own set up. Stacks of his own merch, a stack of shipping labels, boxes and bags ready to be filled, packing tape. And his laptop set up on the coffee table that had been pushed away from the couch to give Corpse space to work, Sykkuno’s Twitch page up.

Corpse: Waiting on my favorite streamer and then I’ll be good to go.

Sykkuno sent back a green heart and then settled down to do the last of his things before he went live. He watched chat in the seconds after he went live, as people started to trickle in and the normal hellos were replaced by all caps of HE’S WEARING CORPSE’S MERCH!!!!

He tried not to encourage his chat shipping them too often, but he smiled and laughed at all the excitement. They had discussed this, they were alright with chat going crazy a bit right after they had met for the first time.

“Yeah, I finally got my Corpse merch today. The hoodie is super comfy and warm, which is good because it’s been really cold this week,” Sykkuno said and thanked some of the early subs. Chat continued to go crazy over the hoodie, and several people asked if Corpse had hand delivered it as he had suggested he could all those weeks ago. 

“He did drop them off at my place,” Sykkuno said a bit coyly and watched the chat go even crazier. People asked if he had seen Corpse’s face, if they had taken photos together, if Corpse had met Bimbus, if they had played anything together.

“Look guys, I’ll tell you about meeting Corpse and then we have a lot of packages and letters to open. Corpse did drop off my hoodie, but there’s this thing called COVID going around. He didn’t come into my house. He came up on the porch to drop off the gift bag and I showed him Bimbus through the window. After that, Corpse went down to the sidewalk and I came out to sit on the porch and we had a socially distanced conversation. We both had masks on because you can never be too safe right now. We took photos of each other as proof that it happened, but that’s just for us, I’m not even going to show Rae. It wasn’t anything big, but it was as safe as we could’ve made it and we got to see each other so it was great in my book,” Sykkuno said. His chat was a bit disappointed with that, but there was also a ton of people glad they had done things safely. 

“Guys, don’t be sad. We had an amazing time together, and hopefully once it warms up and cases go down we can have a socially distanced picnic and then he can play with Bimbus. For now, Corpse has a lot of health problems and I live with my grandma, whose health is very fragile. I haven’t stepped foot in a building that’s not home in weeks to protect her. It sucks, but the alternatives are that she’s completely alone or that she’s potentially exposed to a deadly virus. Corpse and I both wanted to prioritize safety and we had an amazing time. Yes, it sucked not being able to hang out with him, but the days where that’s safe will come. For now, we don’t want anyone getting sick,” Sykkuno said.

His chat was a bit more receptive to that and he changed over to opening packages, reading letters, and thanking subs. It was a nice chill stream, he took a few questions too. At one point, he opened yet another pair of cat ears and chat started telling him to put them on.

“I don’t know guys, I’m already wearing Corpse’s merch, wouldn’t adding the cat ears just kill people,” Sykkuno said vaguely, but knew Corpse would know that people meant him. And so did chat. A moment later, his phone buzzed.

Corpse: Put on the fucking cat eats, Sy.  
Corpse: And yes, it’s going to kill me. It’ll be the best death ever

Sykkuno laughed.

“Corpse wants me to put them on so I guess I have to,” He said and put them on. Chat was happy and Corpse texted him that he looked good. By the end of the stream, he was in a good mood and the happiness from seeing Corpse was much stronger than the hurt. Chat whined that he was getting off after two hours, but he still signed off. He had to clean up and he showered in the guest house and got back home in time to say good night to his grandma. He got dinner and then looked through his Discord messages.

His friends were (jokingly) offended that he got his merch first, and several of them made comments about him seeing Corpse, but his close friends, after all the jokes, made sure to ask if things were alright, especially the ones that were in relationships and knew how COVID made everything rougher. Eventually, though, he was curling up in bed with his laptop and calling Corpse on Facetime.

“How’d putting stuff together for our friends go since you know all about my night?” Sykkuno asked.

“Well, the last bit was very distracting because someone was wearing cat ears on my laptop screen,” Corpse said and Sykkuno giggled. “But good. I made sure everyone got a handwritten note to make up for the fact that I’m not hand delivering my merch to them.”

“That’s sweet. Everyone is jokingly offended, but I think our close friends are really happy we got to see each other in person,” Sykkuno said.

“Yeah, I’ve gotten a few texts. Edison wanted to make sure I was doing alright,” Corpse added.

“And are you? I know we were both happy and sad about it,” Sykkuno said.

“I am. It hurt a lot. But I also loved getting to see you and talk to you and there was a small part of me who was scared that this wouldn’t exist in real life but it does,” Corpse said.

“I was terrified that you’d see me in real life and realize I’m not the amazing person you seem to think I am,” Sykkuno confessed.

“You are, though. I know you have flaws and anxieties. It’s not like it’s November anymore, we spend way too much time together off stream for me to still have that idealized version of you. And I like you all the more for letting me see your imperfections. Nothing you could’ve done today would have changed it. But also, same. I keep waiting for the day you realize that I’m not worthy of you and every day I pray that today’s not the day you realize it,” Corpse said.

“Corpse, I’m not. Like you said, we spend too much time together to not know our demons and flaws. And I’m half... I only like you more every day. We smile and laugh in our bedrooms late at night and enjoy gaming together. We’ve become the people we turn to when we feel vulnerable. Corpse, you’re worthy of me because I choose you. Because I don’t know if I could ever want anyone the way I do you and I love this feeling. It’s us, Corpse, and I hope it’s going to be us for a long time,” Sykkuno said.

“Me too,” Was all Corpse whispered.

“We need to start feeling confident in how the other feels. That we’re worthy of the other’s love,” Sykkuno said.

“We really do,” Corpse agreed. They laid in a comfortable silence. “Are you okay?”

“Huh?” Sykkuno glanced up.

“You seemed a bit sad and low energy when you started stream,” Corpse said.

“I’m doing better. Just hated not being able to truly be able to be near you when you were so near. You know,” Sykkuno said.

“I know,” Corpse assured.

“And I know you had good intentions, but Rae said you did technically reject me and I get why you did, and so did she, and that did hurt. But please don’t feel bad about it, Corpse. Stream cheered me up and now I’m much happier,” Sykkuno said.

“No, I get that. I hated saying no to you, but I just know that that’s the right answer. Being responsible hurts,” Corpse said. 

“I thought that earlier,” Sykkuno said and they laughed.

“Damn us,” Corpse said.

“Darn us,” Sykkuno agreed and Corpse chuckled.

“Just say damn, Sy,” He said.

“Never,” Sykkuno teased. Sykkuno was tired from getting up early for his meeting with his editor that morning and it wasn’t long before he was burrowing in his blankets.

“Good night, Sy,” Corpse said. He talked until Sykkuno fell asleep and when Sykkuno woke up to pee in the middle of the night, his screen was still on, Corpse asleep in his own bed. Sykkuno smiled. He fell asleep on video call with Corpse frequently, but Sykkuno hardly ever got to see Corpse sleep. There was always this cliché that people looked innocent in their sleep, but oftentimes, Corpse looked pained in his sleep. Unfortunately, tonight was one of those nights. Sykkuno wanted to reach out and smooth his hair and somehow take away his pain. But he couldn’t. No one could.

He slipped out of bed to go to the bathroom and when he came back, Corpse was still asleep. Sykkuno smiled and went back to sleep. The call had ended by the time he woke up, but a text waited.

_Corpse: Good morning, Sy. <3  
Corpse: I woke up at 6am and thought it was weird to stay on call but it was really nice to wake up to you. One day we’ll actually do that.  
Sykkuno: I’m finally awake. Good morning, Corpse. <3  
Sykkuno: Woke up in the middle of the night and saw you asleep on call and it was really nice. Looking forward to doing it in real life.  
Corpse: Someday.  
_

* * *

The next two weeks were normal. Sykkuno streamed, and he and Corpse did daily video calls, sometimes with friends. Sykkuno tried not to let the depression from isolation get to him. One afternoon, he was getting ready for a meeting with a potential sponsor and his phone rang with a call from his Grandma.

“Hey?” He answered. It wasn’t often that she called when he was in the guest room.

“Are you able to run back to the house? I want to tell you about the call I just got,” His grandma said. She didn’t sound upset, so hopefully nothing bad. Sykkuno glanced at the clock. He had the time.

“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” He said. He ran back up to the main house to find his grandma in the kitchen, smiling.

“I just got a call from Dr. Pharrell’s office. I’ve been approved for this round of COVID vaccines!” She said and Sykkuno grinned. 

“Oh my god, finally!” He said and they hadn’t gone out in weeks, he hadn’t gotten anything from his PO box. And so, he gave her a big hug. “I’m so happy!” 

“Me too,” She said, “I go in for the first shot Thursday at 2:30, can you drive me?”

“Of course. I’m not sure when I’m streaming, but literally everyone will understand if I have to show up late to something,” Sykkuno assured. 

“Alright. I know you had a work meeting, but I wanted to tell you right away,” She said.

“Totally worth it, but yeah, I can’t be late meeting a new sponsor. It’s a later stream today, so I’ll be back in an hour or two,” He said.

“Alright,” She said, and he kissed her cheek before leaving. He had three minutes until the meeting, so he clicked over to Discord on his second monitor and brought up the Amigop group chat.  
_  
Sykkuno: Guys!!! My grandma just got approved for the COVID vaccine!!!  
Rae: SYKKUNO!!! That is amazing! I’m so happy.  
Toast: That’s awesome!!! A few more weeks and some of the worry will be gone.  
Corpse: Holy shit, Sy. That’s amazing. You guys must be so happy.  
_  
The last message came in as the sponsor appeared on screen, so he just minimized the window. The meeting went well. Thursday, Tina was willing to fill while they went to the doctor’s office(Although Sykkuno stayed in the car) and then they went through the Starbucks drive through and got their overpriced baked goods and they ate at home before Sykkuno went out to the guest house to join the game, started his stream with a smile.

* * *

The next month was filled with a hope Sykkuno had started to lose and when they were sure the vaccine would be effective, they invited Sykkuno’s parents over for dinner(They had planned it weeks in advance, so his parents had stayed home most of the past two weeks anyways other than errands) . While Sykkuno talked to them on the porch during grocery and Bimbus drop offs, it was the first time had had dinner with his parents in a very long time. Too long. It was a good dinner and his parents admitted that they were proud to see the way his channel had succeeded since the last time they had met.

The next week was the first week of May and found Sykkuno back on the porch, waiting for Corpse to pull up, Bimbus in his lap.

“He’ll be here soon, Bimb,” He told the dog, who looked up at him with wide eyes. It had been almost two and a half months since he had seen Corpse, and he was a lot less nervous this time, more excited than anything. Eventually, the car pulled into the driveway and Sykkuno waved. When Corpse got out, he wasn’t wearing a mask. Corpse waved.

“Hey! Oh, hi Bimbus!” Corpse exclaimed. Bimbus squirmed in Sykkuno’s arms

“Hey!” Sykkuno called. He led Corpse through the gate into the backyard, where two blankets were set up a distance from each other. They each settled down on a blanket, and then Sykkuno let Bimbus go. Bimbus ran straight to Corpse, who offered his hand to sniff.

“Hi Bimbus, it’s nice to finally meet you,” Corpse cooed. He talked to Bimbus a lot on video calls, Bimbus definitely knew his voice though and it wasn’t long before Bimbus was in Corpse’s lap, loving the pets. Sykkuno took a few pictures.

“Sorry, I kind of tunneled in on Bimbus. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to pet a dog,” Corpse said.

“No, it’s alright. Bimbus loves it and I can tell it made you happy,” Sykkuno said, “I love seeing you smile.”

“I love your smile,” Corpse replied. They both had brought their own food(Or well, Sykkuno had had food delivered and Corpse had picked something up on his way into town, which for gamers like them was normal) and talked as they ate. This was pretty normal at this point for them, but it was extra amazing with Corpse there in person, not on a screen. Bimbus went between them, accepting pets and chasing after toys.

“It looks good on you,” Corpse said, watching Sykkuno play tug of war with Bimbus, talking to him in a playful voice. 

“Huh?” Sykkuno looked up, smiling.

“Freedom. You look good, not as anxious and able to go outside more,” Corpse said, and he was right. Sykkuno was going grocery shopping again, he and his grandma were doing walks in the park, which was never very crowded, so it was safe. He wasn’t doing anything too risky, but it was more than just sitting in the house or the guest house. 

“It feels good. I thought I was fine being a homebody, but it feels so good to be out a little bit. The warm weather and sun are helping too,” Sykkuno agreed.

“I’m glad. I wish I knew I’d get that feeling one day, but even after COVID, I’ll worry about being recognized. But for now, this feels safe. Out in the yard with you and Bimbus, the weather warm and the sun shining. I’d be very happy to keep doing this until it’s safe to start spending time together indoors,” Corpse said.

“I’d be happy to do this for a few months,” Sykkuno said.

* * *

And so, they did. Weekly, and when Corpse moved into an apartment in LA, twice a week. Sometimes they just talked, sometimes they played games together on their own devices, and sometimes they both had their laptops and just did work stuff on their own blanket.

In mid June, somewhere between Corpse’s first and second COVID vaccine, Sykkuno was laying on his back with Bimbus on his chest, talking to him. Corpse had brought a camera he had bought to get back into photography and Sykkuno was hearing clicks.

“You two look adorable,” Corpse said and Sykkuno looked over to see the camera trained on them. He smiled and Corpse snapped a couple photos. “Part of me wishes I could post these.”

“I mean, you could. People know we have picnics occasionally. I kind of would like to post a picture of you and Bimbus myself-nothing with your face, but like him in your lap and you petting him,” Sykkuno said.

“I kind of like that idea. It just... There’d be talk,” Corpse said.

“There’s always talk. I don’t mind it these days, and one day, we might tell everyone, right?” Sykkuno said.

“Yeah. I don’t know if I mind the talk or if I just feel like I should mind the talk,” Corpse said.

“I agree. Like, we’re used to it at this point and a lot of it is harmless,” Sykkuno said.

“And it’s not that it’s not true. Or won’t be true in a couple months. We’re going to definitely date privately for at least a few months, but someday, I want to tell everyone, and it’d be sweet to be able to refer back to pictures of the pre-dating days,” Corpse said.

“Aww, secret romantic Corpse,” Sykkuno teased. “If you want to, post the pictures. Or even just the nature pictures you’ve been taking. And pictures of Bimbus.”

“I should check with your grandma if she minds her backyard being on my Twitter,” Corpse said. He had met her on Sykkuno’s birthday, and she loved fawning over him and Sykkuno knew Corpse loved it. 

“Probably. When you say good-bye,” He said. Later that night, Corpse posted two collections of photos. A collection of nature shots from the backyard went up on his main, and on his alt account, pictures of Sykkuno and Bimbus.

 **CORPSE** @CORPSE_alt Jun 21

Spring always feels a bit brighter with these two on the blanket six feet away. :)

Two weeks later, Sykkuno posted a picture of Corpse lying on his side, propped up on his elbow, his other hand petting Bimbus, cropped to hide his face. Bimbus had fallen asleep, face utterly content. Corpse’s hand had chipped green nail polish that had once been a PO Box gift that Sykkuno had given him a few weeks ago and they knew the significance of the color wouldn’t be lost on their fans. 

**sykkuwu** Bimb and his favorite picnic buddy

* * *

Sykkuno got his first COVID vaccine near the end of July, and the other three weeks later. A lot of their other friends were getting theirs, and everything just felt a bit better. Technically, they probably could’ve started picnicking on the same blanket in late August but the idea of finally being able to touch was intoxicating and they weren’t sure if they wanted to get too close in a place where Sykkuno’s grandma was able to look out the kitchen window and see. Instead, they stayed on their separate blankets, put much closer together than they were three months ago.

“Is a weekend together too soon already?” Corpse asked. They were discussing what they could do now that they were free to do what they wanted(Or, at least, freer). 

“I don’t know. Our relationship is most certainly not going in a straight line. The normal relationship milestones are all messed up because we’ve both been dating for months and haven’t even started dating, all without kissing or touching or an actual date. We never even properly confessed,” Sykkuno said. 

“We never did, did we?” Corpse said, chuckling. 

“No. It was something we both knew and so we just discussed it as fact, kind of?” Sykkuno said.

“Well, Sykkuno, I really like you,” Corpse said.

“I really like you too, Corpse,” Sykkuno said and they both laughed. “I would be entirely comfortable with a weekend together.”

“Good. Because so would I,” Corpse said, “You fine with staying at my place in LA? Maybe we could plan a picnic with Toast and Rae, something small.”

“You’d like that?” Sykkuno asked.

“I would love that. I want to meet all our friends but in small groups. I know they’re trying to figure out if a Christmas party would be safe if we’re all vaccinated but that seems so overwhelming to meet everyone all at once so if I could work up to that as much as possible, I think that would be better. Start with Toast and Rae, then go from there. Our first double date could be with Leslie and Edison or Wendy and Abe,” Corpse said. 

“I think that would be a really good idea. Everyone would be thrilled by it,” Sykkuno said. 

“I’d be thrilled by it. I really want to meet everyone,” Corpse said.

“They want to meet you too. I’m proud of you for being willing to meet everyone,” Sykkuno said.

“Me too,” Corpse said. 

“So yeah, picnic with Rae and Toast. Maybe Rae could bring Mika,” Sykkuno said. Corpse lit up and he laughed. “That’s a yes then. I was thinking I could swing not streaming Friday and Saturday and then leave early afternoonish on Sunday so I can still stream that night. We can try to plan the picnic for Saturday’s lunch. How does that sound?”

“I think that’d be great,” Corpse said. They talked a bit more before getting to the topic of sleeping arrangements. “Well, ideally we’d sleep together but I feel like that’s also something that could be too soon, but I also have the guest room if you feel more comfortable.”

“I think sleeping together should be fine, but like you said, there’s still the guest room if I change my mind or if you need a bit of space. Absolutely no judgement if at some point you need a bit of alone time. I’m expecting this to be a bit overwhelming after months of just picnics. Good overwhelming, but still overwhelming,” Sykkuno said.

“I... Why are you so thoughtful?” Corpse said and Sykkuno giggled. 

“Because I’m half as anxious as you,” He said.

“Very true. You get me, Sy, and I love it,” Corpse said.

“I try. Speaking of me being anxious... Sex?” Sykkuno asked.

“I don’t think we’re there yet. I certainly won’t pressure you, if that’s why you’re anxious. If it happens, it happens, but I think I’d rather wait,” Corpse said.

“Oh, thank God. I just have a history of wanting to wait for sex and being pressured for it by boyfriends or girlfriends. Definitely lost my virginity before I was ready to in college,” Sykkuno said. 

“I’m so sorry, Sy. But yeah, absolutely no pressure for sex. This relationship is on a timeline like no other. We don’t have to do anything because of time. I only want sex when we’re both ready. If that’s our first weekend together, cool. If it’s months from now, equally as cool,” Corpse said.

“Good. I just... Some of your music can be sexual so I wasn’t sure if that was something you wanted sooner,” Sykkuno said.

“No. I think in our case, waiting is definitely better. We can talk about it. Kinks and hard limits and stuff. Work up to it. Start small, build up to making love, and then we can start exploring kinks, if you’d like,” Corpse said.

“I would,” Sykkuno said. Corpse was perfect, Sykkuno thought. So understanding. Corpse had to leave early that day and they walked together out to his car, only a foot between them. It was intoxicating to be so close to Corpse and Sykkuno stared as his hand for a bit before slowly going to brush his hand against Corpse’s. It was electricity and sparks and Sykkuno’s hand tingled. Corpse stopped, looked over to stare at him, looking a tad scandalized.

“Holy shit. Do not do that again, Sy. That was...” Corpse trailed off.

“I know,” Sykkuno said. 

“We’re like some Victorian women, a simple brush of our hands feels so taboo and thrilling,” Corpse joked. Sykkuno laughed.

“It’s the only thing that would explain our weird, no touching, love for picnics where my grandma could look out like some chaperone, courtship in the old world,” Sykkuno said. Corpse laughed so hard he started wheezing.

“It really is. God, the world went crazy for a year and a half,” Corpse said. 

“It really did, but we found each other in the craziness,” Sykkuno said.

“Worth it,” Corpse said and Sykkuno smiled. “I really do need to go. I’ll see you on Tuesday, and then next Friday you’ll come to my place.”

“I’m counting the days,” Sykkuno said. They lingered at Corpse’s car, looking at each other, so aware that kissing was safe, but they wanted to make that first kiss special. “I’m, um, going back to the porch. Drive safely.”

“I will. See you in the lobby tonight,” Corpse said.

“See you in the lobby,” Sykkuno agreed and ran up to the porch and only then did Corpse get into his car and drive away. Eight more days. 

* * *

Corpse’s new apartment in LA was nice. Security was tight, Sykkuno had to give his full name that was cross referenced with Corpse’s approved guest list before he could be allowed through the lobby. It was no real surprise, an easy way to keep fans out if Corpse’s identity was ever leaked. It made Corpse’s anxiety a bit easier, which was all that mattered. 

When Corpse had gotten the place, they had talked about Sykkuno moving in with him at some point after COVID and Sykkuno really wanted to. Not yet, but maybe in a few months. For now, his stomach was in knots and his heart was pounding as he knocked on the door of Corpse’s apartment. Which was stupid because it was Corpse. It only took a moment for the door to open, and then Corpse was there, smiling. Sykkuno stepped in and took his mask off, fumbling to put it in his bag. And then he looked at Corpse, thinking about the door closed behind them. 

“Hey,” Sykkuno said.

“Hey,” Corpse said, and they looked at each other, not sure what to do. “Can I-can we- hug you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course,” Sykkuno said he let his bag fall to the floor and stepped so he was closer to Corpse, who reached out for him. And then they were hugging. They were wrapped around each other that would’ve been a bit terrifying had they done this in February. But now, it felt safe. Felt like coming home, Corpse’s arms wrapped tightly around him and his face turning so his nose was in Corpse’s neck and he never wanted to leave this embrace. 

His eyes were already closed tightly, but he felt the surge of tears. He tried to keep them in until Corpse gave a loud, shaky breath. 

“It’s okay to cry,” He whispered into Corpse’s neck and felt him shudder. Corpse sobbed first, but Sykkuno was quick to follow. Sykkuno wasn’t sure how long they clung to each other, how long they cried, only that at some point, their knees gave in and they ended up in a very happy pile on the floor. Corpse pulled back at some point, grin on his tear-stained face and he knew that he had never loved anyone as he had this man, probably never would.

“We made it,” Corpse said in a soft but giddy voice. 

“It’s over. It’s all over,” Sykkuno agreed. When they finally picked themselves off the floor, Corpse gave him a tour, but Sykkuno was barely aware of the changing of rooms, only of Corpse’s fingers entwined with his, Corpse’s body right next to his, sometimes leaning in to whisper so Sykkuno could feel his breath on his skin. Everything that had once been unsafe.

Sykkuno had never felt safer than in this apartment. And hopefully, they’d spend many days, many nights in this apartment together. This felt like a new beginning, and for the first time in his life, Sykkuno couldn’t wait to see where this road led as long as Corpse was there, right next to him, close enough to touch.

**Author's Note:**

> And yeah, that's it! I'm thinking about adding a second chapter or something because I really had a scene idea for later that night and the ending was meant to be the picnic with Rae, Toast, and Mika(Bimbus was an idea to have in there but I don't think they wanted to have Bimbus there their first weekend alone together). I'd like to write that but I'll mark this as finished for now. I hope you enjoyed this and please please be safe. Wear your mask, stick to your household as much as possible, and stay hopeful. This won't last forever.
> 
> EDIT(2/18/21): I'm going to be doing simple grammar edits I should have caught pre-posting, change the lines I used for scene dividers. Going to change the movie night line to include Jack and Ash instead of Toast because I feel like that's more fitting with how Rust and stuff went(But also, Toast never went back to Canada and Sykkuno obviously never moved to Vegas in this story but you can still imagine a lot of stuff that happened online IRL that's happened since I wrote this around Christmastime still existed in this verse). Little things like that. Also not entirely ruling out adding a chapter 2 but it's not coming along like I wanted and I hate it. Sorry guys, but I'd rather keep this like this than post some subpar second chapter.


End file.
